


it takes everything in me not to call you

by queenC_13



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Not A Happy Ending, Sorry!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:01:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23745745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenC_13/pseuds/queenC_13
Summary: Cat left for DC without saying goodbye and Kara wonders about what could have been (inspired by 'i almost do' by queen taylor swift)
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Cat Grant
Comments: 2
Kudos: 39





	it takes everything in me not to call you

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick little oneshot because every time I listen to this song I think of Supercat so I finally had to get it out of my head. If you don't know the song, listen while/before/after reading :)

It was Friday night and everyone had just left Kara’s house after game night. Alex had asked if Kara wanted her to stay to help clean up and watch an episode of Homeland but Kara declined—she wanted to be alone tonight.

It had been exactly six months since Cat had left to work for the president, trading in the sunny and warm West Coast for the unpredictable weather of the East Coast, and breaking Kara’s heart in the process. Kara tried to move on and not think about it, but it was hard—how could Cat give Kara a promotion and her own office, call her by her actual name, start to  _ truly _ bond with her and then just up and leave?

Nothing had happened, but it certainly felt like things were going that way. For the first few weeks of Kara’s new job she found excuses to visit Cat in her office everyday, citing the need for advice on an article that Snapper was yelling at her about or getting an extra coffee mid morning, and (just a few times) having lunch together. Cat had started to treat Kara like an equal, entirely ceasing to call her “Keira,” and actually starting asking Kara questions about herself.

Kara opened up to Cat like she had never opened up to anyone besides Alex before—while she never confirmed that she was Supergirl, she knew that Cat knew by now, and wasn’t going to fire her. She spoke of the raw pain she felt in losing her family and how the grief would still sometimes sneak up on her and take her breath away. She talked about how it felt to go through school trying to blend in but feeling rejected and out of place all the time. She let herself be vulnerable, and in turn Cat did the same. She talked about how she sometimes felt that she was failing Carter like she failed Adam and her marriages; she talked about how hard the journey was to get to her position and even about how cutting her mother’s remarks truly could be. 

Then there was that last Friday night.  _ The  _ night. A particular discussion that had happened after work hours when it was just the two of them left in the office. Kara was talking about how she felt like her life was a burden on Alex and so many other people, and Cat ended up taking her hand in reassurance. It wasn’t uncommon for them to sit fairly close to one another as they developed this ‘friendship,’ but Cat was usually careful to maintain some level of distance. And when she grabbed Kara’s hand it was like a lightning bolt shot through Kara’s entire body. 

Kara instinctively wrapped her fingers around Cat’s, slowly trailing off of whatever she had been saying. She looked down at their hands—Cat’s dainty fingers, wrapped in Kara’s much more weathered and stronger ones. She suddenly realized how close the two of them had gotten on the couch as well. She took a shaky breath in, smelling the subtle scent of Cat’s jasmine perfume, faded after a long day at work and something else that was just pure  _ Cat _ . She looked up and found herself trapped in Cat’s gaze, her green eyes piercing. 

Kara’s eyes flickered down to Cat’s lips and she heard Cat’s heartbeat start escalating wildly. She wasn’t sure who started moving, but suddenly Cat’s face was getting even closer…

“Cat,” Kara whispered, mere inches from the other woman’s lips now.

And then Cat’s phone rang with Carter’s special ringtone, startling them both apart as if they had been scalded and Kara’s cheeks flooded with embarrassment. 

“Carter,” Cat answered the phone, sounding not nearly as affected as Kara herself felt. “Yes I’m leaving soon… How do you feel about me picking up a pizza?... Yes I’m serious… I’ll see you soon. I love you, honey.”

She had turned her back on Kara while she was speaking and started gathering her belongings to leave. As soon as she hung up she swung her bag over her shoulder and turned back around without meeting Kara's eyes. “Well, that was Carter—he wanted to know what we were having for dinner so I must be getting home soon.”

“Cat-”

“I’ll see you on Monday.” And that was the last time Kara saw her. By the time Monday came she had already worked out her move to Washington D.C. and enacted James as the interim CEO of CatCo with no indication of how long that would last. 

And now it had been six months and Kara still wondered about it.

What would have happened if Kara had been able to control herself and not scare Cat away? Or what would have happened that night if they had kissed—Kara was so sure that Cat felt the same way. 

Kara looked at the clock—it was 11:30pm in National City which meant it was 2:30am in D.C. and she was sure that Cat would still be up. She had a habit of staying up late on Friday nights to decompress after the long week, and she had used to text Kara, getting into the ‘ridiculous’ shows that Kara pushed her to watch:

**Who is this Spike fellow and why does he think he can defeat the Slayer?**

**I don’t know why you thought that I would relate to this ‘Evil Queen’—I am still your boss you know.**

And her favorite:

**I thought this show was supposed to be funny. I shouldn’t be crying over a Halloween proposal.**

Kara wondered if she was still watching new TV shows or if she had gone back to watching the news—her habit before Kara begged her out of it. 

She so badly wanted to give Cat a call—blame it on drunkenness that they both knew wasn’t possible—just to hear her voice. Just to hear her say her name. 

Kara was sure that Cat thought she had moved on, or that she hated her for leaving. Cat had tried reaching out a few times right after she left, but how could Kara reply? She didn’t say anything that gave an explanation. She asked how Kara's articles were going, how James was doing, what Snapper was telling her—all avoiding what had nearly happened between them.

_ Really? _ Kara wanted to reply.  _ You left me when I thought there was something between us and you think this is what I want to talk about? _

But she couldn’t do it. (Even though Alex wanted her to as well—almost as bad as Alex wanted to fly to D.C. and beat Cat up herself.)

Kara herself wanted to fly to D.C. and beg Cat to talk to her, to tell her why she ran away and if she felt the same. To plead with her to give her a chance. Cat knew who she was but that wasn’t really the point—she couldn’t put herself out there only to get crushed again. 

It was hard enough when she dreamt of Cat and had to wake up and face reality. In her dreams they were always together and Cat had never run away. Nothing big was ever happening in her dreams—scenes of cooking dinner together; laying on the couch and watching those shows together; waking up to those delicate fingers gently brushing against her face, followed by a pair of lips. But they felt so  _ real _ . And they never would be. 

Cat wasn’t coming back. 

No matter how badly Kara wanted to call her and fly to her and beg for a chance, she had to move on. 

Even if she almost did it, she still had to stop herself. There would be other people—no one was Cat, but that was okay. She could be happy; she could settle. 

And the most she could hope for is that sometimes, on nights like these, if Cat wondered about her back.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry (not sorry) for the angst- let me know what you thought!


End file.
